I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
