Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
