apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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