Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
