you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Enjoy the penises
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
