I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize