I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
