i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
