Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
