Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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