i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
