Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
