i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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