i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize