i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
