so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
