Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Randomize
