We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
