You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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