"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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