Where did you get a picture of my penis
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
