Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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