just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
