You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize