Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
