Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
