i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
