i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
