he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
