I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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