she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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