woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
