That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
