Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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