yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize