Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
