Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
