I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
