Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
