I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
