You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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