Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
