Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
