i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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