Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Congratulations! We have a period
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