Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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