Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize