i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
