The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
