Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize