I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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