dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
