The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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