Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
