Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
