Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
