So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
