Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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