how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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