If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
