So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
