She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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