what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
