I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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