Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize