we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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