I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You pole danced in your parka.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
