We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
