Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
