At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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