Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
