I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You left your phone here
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