Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
