He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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