I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
