she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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