He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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