Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
