put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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