I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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