Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
