I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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