Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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