Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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