My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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