so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
