Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
