My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she told me i tasted like america
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize