Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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