my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
