Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Come on in and take your pants off
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