My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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