Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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