between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
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