i think my tv is drunk
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
