i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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