i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
