i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
