Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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