He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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