oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
